I have always found that it’s so easy to delude ourselves into thinking we are being honest and spiritual.
It’s so easy to walk away from dogma and feel ready to free ourselves up, only to walk headlong into some new dogma we have unwittingly created for ourselves.
All in the name of spirituality – growth, releasing negative thought patterns, being honest with ourselves – the list goes on and on.
I just wanted to share what I experienced a few days ago.
I had had a beautiful inspiration, an unexpected one that just quietly and surely came upon me and revealed itself. And I had responded to this by speaking to the person involved, sharing it and waiting to see if this would open a door and set something in motion.
But although I thought I felt completely in the flow with this, I discovered that there was agenda in it as I realised I was invested in making it happen the way I thought it should.
I could see myself with clarity arguing for being right.
I kept giving more examples of how this idea would work and how to implement it whenever any opposing ideas were suggested.
I noticed how I became more and more insecure.
My ego was feeling threatened.
I wanted others to see things my way and go along with what I had suggested. I could tangibly feel the stress in the situation and knew that I was pushing for all the wrong reasons.
Just because I had received this message quietly and certainly, just because I had come from a state of knowing, didn’t mean it was right to impose my thoughts on others.
So when the meeting was over I sat down in a quiet space and just started to breathe out and let go. I went to bed early and when I woke up the next morning I had the opportunity to share what had been happening with my husband. I was able to just systematically release.
And that release brought the realisation that none of what I had deemed important the evening before had any real meaning.
I realised that I was fine even if none of my suggestions were taken on board and implemented. I realised that I was fine if it was all just ignored and something completely different was done.
And I realised that I was perfectly happy and at peace with not having anything to do with the project at all. Or contributing what I had to offer and letting others run with it.
I was happy with everything just exactly the way it was.
I felt such a relief.
I smiled inwardly at how my ego had been pushing to be in the limelight. How it had thought it was important.
And I was able to see how none of this had anything to do with me at all. It wasn’t about me.
And now everything is just gently and organically unfolding.
Letting go. Surrendering to what is. Being of service. Being the love.