Recently I have become very entangled with my thoughts and allowed myself to be in a lot of pain.
I was walking through the streets a few days ago talking with someone about something that was occurring at that exact moment in my life. And as I told the story of the event, I could feel how my body was physically reacting. I felt sickness in my stomach and my head was clouding over. It felt like all my power was seeping out of me. All the time I was walking briskly which was helping me to breathe through my body deeply.
And as I talked, I began to observe what my mind was fabricating. It was beginning to make up a wild story, embellishing it with fearful elements and totally losing all relevance to what was actually happening. As these thoughts coursed through my mind, I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and a sense of great unease and tension was spreading through me.
But I was totally aware that I was aware of what was going on.
I was fascinated by my awareness of this process and began to speak out loud about it and to it. It was simply something that was running on automatic pilot. It wasn’t me and it wasn’t real. And as I told it that it wasn’t real and therefore didn’t exist, I felt the panic ever so slowly subsiding.
I could sense that I was separate from this fear. That I was separate from my mind. And that all was well no matter how my body was reacting at this moment.
This is the reason why I meditate every day. I allow myself to be in that space between my thoughts, the gap. I allow myself to be that space. And the more I am the state of no-mind, just pure awareness, the more I can transcend my mind when it runs out of control. It”s an ongoing process.
My mind is certainly hugely useful in everyday life when focussed and can be a brilliant tool when used ‘mindfully’ to navigate my way through my dualistic world. But I don’t need it all the time, running uselessly on repeat.
It is so empowering to get beyond the entrappings of my mind and be that infinite stillness. I am so much more than my mind.
I’d love to hear if you have a regular meditation practice and what benefits you notice from it. Have you had the opportunity to observe your mind running out of control and how have you reacted?